Fuck Sheen and Lorre

So here we are in aftermath/midst of the whole Chuck Lorre/Charlie Sheen shitstorm. The entitled, obnoxious show-runner and his equally entitled, obnoxious star square off against one another in a fight that I find it difficult to care about. For one thing, they're tearing apart one of the worst scripted shows on television. For another, if they kill one another, I think the world would probably turn out the better for it.

I'm reading about this, and I keep finding myself thinking, "where's the love, people?" Not necessary for Lorre or Sheen--I couldn't give a shit about either of them--but for shows themselves. Sheen gets, what? $2 million per episode? That price tag is a obvious sign that he's in it for the money, which I guess is okay. Sort of. Lorre probably has the same deal going on. Between all the crappy projects he's involved in, he's most likely rolling in cash.

But where's the love? Where's the love for television? Where's the joy? When you've got two nasty people ripping into each other over a horrible program, it's pretty apparent that neither of them actually cares about the show, or the audience. If the program goes off the air for the rest of the season--which Two and a Half Men has--you won't find either of them weeping too hard. They don't care. See what I mean? No joy?

And this is a problem that I'm noticing in a lot of television. Either the show takes itself too seriously (I'm gonna start looking sideways at Bones here), or absolutely no one cares. Two and a Half Men is a good example of the latter state of affairs. Bones...has just visibly degenerated into a series of cliches. That don't seem to find themselves cliched. Will-they-won't-they has gone off the deep end, and every single thing that most of the characters say seem to point to the very small frame of reference and the very large age of most of the writers (Facebook episode, anyone?)

Where's the whimsy? Sort of on 30 Rock, although I can kind of feel it waning. I still love the show to death, but it's pretty one-note. I'm putting a joy-vote in for How I Met Your Mother, because that show isn't afraid to draw from actual experiences, to make things silly, to play with timeline, character development, reality. One moment everyone's floating along, and the next minute we're dealing with serious, adult issues. And the show manages to do this in a fantastic, deft way. Other American shows that seem to be joyous and whimsical? Probably Psych, Community and even the Vampire Diaries (the show is fully aware of what it is and plunges ahead with its identity in a way that I can't help but respect).

I'm definitely a TV-idealist, and all this whole Lorre-Sheen bullshit is extremely depressing. How can people so easily throw away something so wonderful? I mean, the show is crap, but the potential for greatness with TV is so...HUGE. TV reflects the changing political and social landscape around us, but it also causes some of that political and social change. It's a powerful tool that people often disregard, and here are Lorre and Sheen shitting all over it, and I'm not cool with that.

Labors of love. That's what it should be for everyone (including me, in the future, when I'm all successful and living in Hollywood as will of course inevitably happen). Can I have my Mighty Boosh--something offbeat and quirky, but which still inspires a massive cult following because it's obvious how much the creators care? Can I have my Firefly? Can I have my Twin Peaks or Northern Exposure or Psych or How I Met Your Mother?

These shows are all a little weird, which I think is because you can't truly love something that you don't perceive as different. If it was the same, you'd just focus that attention on the similar schlock that's already out there. But if what you have involves a skinny guy in a mirror-ball suit singing songs about soup or a woman with a log for a baby or fucking Alaska--that's magic.

I love television. Why the HELL don't Chuck Lorre and Charlie Sheen?

Also, fuck Two and a Half Men.

DON'T LISTEN TO THE DOG.

Here's a confession that I feel compelled to make. It's not particularly shocking or interesting, but it's clogging up my mind-tubes at the moment and I can't seem to do anything about it, so I'm foisting if off on your poor beleaguered eyes. Enjoy.

I've got voices in my head. Not in a tragic, schizophrenic way--I don't have anthropomorphic animals telling me to kill major political figures--or a religious way. They're voices of people that I want desperately to be like, the voices of people that I idolize wayyyyyy the hell more than I ought to. They're the voices of my ideals.

Anyone who has had a conversation with me recently (and I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I know that I'm doing it, but I honestly can't help it) probably knows that lately the number-one voice has been that of the Mighty Boosh. For those of you who don't know who they are (and again, since most of you who read this are my friends, that's unlikely), they're this British comedy group with a TV show and various tours. They're whimsical, they're endlessly imaginative, they don't seem to experience limits to what they can and can't do. The best thing about them, though, is just to listen to the leaders of the group, Julian Barratt and Noel Fielding, in interviews. Do it now, actually--it's better than reading whatever I happen to churn out here.. I'll be here when you get back. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQBYdtGSvLA

It's effortless, right? The way they flit from subject to subject with one another, turning out great ideas that make you laugh just thinking about them. (I said I idolized them, I wasn't exaggerating). And so I have their voices clogging up my brain, making it hard to get any real thinking done. I want to be them, to have that manic creative energy, to be able to come up with situations, one-liners, quips, jokes, cavorts, adventures like that at as easy as breathing. That's the dream, isn't it? To turn a game, to turn a joking conversation into a career?

Of course I will always have Tina Fey's voice in my head, more as an encouraging voice than as inspiration. Again, anyone who has ever talked to me knows how I feel about Tina Fey--specifically that I want to have her babies and more or less worship the ground that she walks on. Lady is awesome, hands-down. There were famous TV writers and show-runners before her--but she was one of the first women to actually make a name for herself as a writer first and an actor second. She's the anti-Chuck Lorre (she is actually talented and she turns out a good product), and the world needs more of those superheroes.

Finally, I'm going to have to confess that I have Tamora Pierce's voice in my brain. She's the oldest tenant there, in that she moved in when I was about eight and I haven't been able to get her out since. My first short story, embarrassingly titled "Princess of Thieves," which I wrote when I was 11, was pretty much a photocopy of the Alanna series. And here I am, 20 years old, and I'm still engaging in a lively, enthusiastic, and--above all--heartfelt debate with my friends and my sister about who should be cast in the absolutely imaginary movie of that series. We care about this series, even twelve years later. I'm not eight years old and I still remember vast sections of the books and carry her characters close to my heart. Tamora Pierce is the woman who started me writing in the first place. She's a good voice to have around.

(If anyone is curious about the cast list we have come up with so far, it is--with a few of my own embellishments, sorry Lauren--Eoin Macken as George, Ian Somerhalder as Duke Roger, Stephen Fry as Sir Myles, Isaiah Mustafah as Raoul, Bradley James as Gary, Colin Morgan as Alex, Camilla Belle as Thayet, and Jamie Bamber as Liam Ironarm).