Place-less

This (rare) entry is dedicated to all my place-less homies out there.

I'm starting to realize--slowly, surely, uncomfortably--that I don't have a place. I'm also starting to realize--slower, surer, more uncomfortable--that I've felt this way for a really, really long time.

It's not a question of not having a home. I have a home. It's a house--red brick, basic, square, suburban, wonderful--that I share with three wonderful people and a stupid dog, all of whom I love very, very much, and all of whom I am lucky enough to be positive in knowing that they love me very, very much. (Not sure about the dog, actually. Will get back to you on that.)

But the fact remains that I've been making my way across the country for the last few years. Not touring, not visiting. Living. And the end result of this is that I don't really have a "place" anymore. I'm from Silver Spring, Maryland, but I don't live there. I go to school in Chicago, but I don't live there. I work in Los Angeles, but I don't live here.

I'm in multiple places at once, but I don't stay anywhere.

Kind of frustrating.

It's that awful question--and most college students know what this feels like--when you're asked to put your home address on a form. You could put your school address, but that will only be valid for the next few months. You could put your home address--but that's one thousand miles away--a bit too far to just stop by and pick something up.

Everything becomes so much more of a production when you're placeless. There's a constant sensation of being the fish out of water, which is only fun if you envision your life as an exciting movie or television show (which I do, so I'm kind of lucky there). Where's the grocery store? IT'S A FUCKING ADVENTURE TO FIND IT. How do I get to work from here? ARE YOU READY FOR AN EPIC JOURNEY?

Shenanigans happen more frequently when you're placeless.

And I'm not homesick, per se. I like my Los Angeles experience so far (mostly because I've gotten astoundingly lucky--knock on wood--with the nicest co-workers and bosses ever, randomly getting a nice apartment to myself for a tiny price, a parking spot...and just being in non-DC summer weather feels lucky). I like the people I've met, I like the people I know from school and from home who are out here with me. I've been able to do things I want to do. For example, right now I'm sitting out on the balcony, writing, in temperatures cool enough to wear a blanket, drink some tea, wear a sweatshirt...

Maybe most importantly, I've realized that having an apartment to myself means that I rarely wear clothing.

I guess I'm halfway-frustrated and halfway-curious. If everything's been in flux so far, what are things like when they settle down? The whole question of where I will settle down is wayyyyy too scary to take on, but it is a little interesting to contemplate the how. And the why.

So yeah. This goes out to the people who have hop-scotched between locations for the last few years--the people who don't know what it's like to be able to swing by home when you're at college, or to stay in the same town for an internship or job over the summer. Because mostly--we're just jealous as hell of those other guys, aren't we?