T-minus four days until I'm back in Evanston. A few weeks of doing LITERALLY nothing have been absolutely amazing. And to tell you the truth, I'm not exactly looking forward to heading back to the Chicago winters. (I remember being almost excited for it back in freshman year, naive little shit that I was.)Anyhoodle. Take all that and mix it with the reflectiveness that you're supposed to wallow in at the end of every year, and you get this: a post about high school. In the words of Mr. Mogge, my infamously cracked-out AP World History teacher, strap on your strap-ons. Let's get this hormone-fest started.
Thesis/general idea I'm trying to convey: I am infinitely more comfortable with myself now than I was back in high school. Biiiiig shocker, because I know that high schoolers are known for their high self-esteem and their self-awareness.
It's just kind of a relief/a shock to know that, despite all the quipping and the pretentiousness that I surrounded myself with back then, I was not even a little bit different than those fellow high schoolers that I looked down upon. We were all in the same boat, emotionally speaking. It didn't matter what class, what race, what social group. Jock, trophy-case-kid, drama dork, nerd--we were all the lowest of the low.
I finally understand the high school movies. Thank god?
I started high school in a program that was a total 180-degree move from what I'd studied all through middle school with a group of friends who I'd either a.) not spent any time with in four years or b.) never met before. It was...not the most comfortable of experiences, not because anyone was particularly unfriendly, but because I'm not someone to put herself out there in social situations NOW--certainly not back in high school.
Now, though, on the other side of insecurities (generally speaking--of course I'm still insecure, because anyone who isn't is not tolerable to be around) and lots and lots of shit, I actually feel like I have people that I can spend time with when I come home. This sentiment got cemented this summer, and is still in place months later. For someone who didn't often feel socially comfortable for four years, it's almost heaven.
So, friends-from-home, here at the end of the year, this one goes out to you. You guys have shaped me, given me new experiences and shown me that that shit from high school doesn't have to stick around forever. You've shown me what support looks like, and you've shown me what jealousy looks like, and you've shown me what childishness looks like and you've shown me what maturity looks like. You've given me options of who I want to be and allowed me to pick and choose without pressure.
Most of all, you've given me quotes. I'm not sure if you realize how important quotes seem to be to our friends, but everyone seems to have one that will always be their trademark. From "lick it up, bitches..." to "what's wrong with this party?" they've followed us--me for the past 6+ years, you guys for longer. In the last week alone, we've been treated to such gems as "I hate magic," "Incest. That's the breaks," and "If Dumbledore asked you to ride a shark with him, you would do it."
One viewing of How to Train Your Dragon alone yielded:
-"Have you ever seen an eel? They're fucked."
-A discussion of the imperialist vs. colonial subtexts of the movie
-Someone calling bullshit on the main character's quick recovery from an injury, demanding "months of intensive Viking physical therapy."
So here, in the midst of my junior year of college, I am finally declaring that I have had the whole high school experience: I have a group that I can let myself feel like I can be a part of. You guys have been there the whole time, but six years after meeting, I'm done testing the water. Happy holidays, everyone. Have a great new year.
