OH HAI.

Like many people, I keep a running to-do list in my head. Also like many people, it's just a thing that I tell myself I do, because whenever I make a note to add something to the list, I forget the whole damn thing a second later.

Eh. Can't bring myself to care. Things work out one way or another eventually. Either I'll remember it at the last minute, or I won't remember and then I'll be faced with that icy feeling of "CRAP!" when I realize that essay was due an hour ago and there's nothing I can really do about it.

I turned 20 a couple of days ago. I feel like somewhere inside of me there's a post about that, but I'm having trouble getting in touch. I think I haven't really accepted it yet. Maybe for the rest of my life, I'll think of myself as a teenager (and turn into Amy Poehler from "Mean Girls"? Horrible thought). Maybe one morning I'll wake up with that same icy feeling of "CRAP!" and then have a midlife crisis at 20.

Don't you just kind of feel like those first 10 years of your existence were kind of wasted, though? I barely remember anything about them. And yeah, I realize that physical, psychological, emotional growth and development, blah, blah, blah, whatever. But where are the stories? You can't be like "This one time, when I was 7, I was at this party and this dude was so DRUNK..." This is partly because whoever you're talking to will call child protective services, and your parents will be taken away. It is also partly because I don't remember anything (I went to a lot of CRAZY parties when I was 7).

Wasted years! Am I wasting my life right now, sitting in deserted Norbucks while thunder and lightening and rain all clash and erupt just outside of the thin windows? Is staring at a Celtx document for hours on end wasting my life? Is it working towards something bigger? The Future? A job? Junior year? What counts as something bigger?

This isn't a freak-out. This is pretentious contemplation, but most of all, this is procrastination because I don't want to have to START the process of staring at that Celtx document.

I wonder what TV I can find to watch on Netflix?