Cry me a fucking river

It's been established that I am secretly a romantic. I love a good chick-flick as much as the next stereotypical girl. I sigh at "Love Actually," I giggle at "While You Were Sleeping," I love me some Austen and I squeal like a tiny baby when I watch "When Harry Met Sally". (For some reason I have a hard time standing Tom Hanks, but that's a rant for another time.)

So I love a good romance. But more than that, I love a good heartbreak. It can be hard to watch and hard to accept, but ultimately, when heartbreak is done well, it's SO GOOD. So I've decided to compile a list of the top five (in my limited experience) heartbreaking scenes from TV shows.

Things to know in advance:
a.) DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED ON ANY OF THESE SHOWS. It will be spoiler-town very, very soon. I don't want to take you to spoiler-town if you do not want to go.
b.) The BBC is obviously very okay with killing, not only it's characters, but little pieces of my soul as well. DAMN YOU, BBC. I HAVE SHED SO MANY TEARS OVER YOU.
c.) I am a nerd. This is going to read loud and clear when you look at the shows I have chosen. Feel free to mock me about it at your nearest convenience. I am a HAPPY nerd, and I enjoy what I watch, so boo-yah.

So, with that said, let the sob-fest begin!

5.) LOST "The Constant": Desmond and Penny's phone call

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO2g1wjOjDg

I still feel like a "Lost" newbie, which is slightly odd because I've watched four seasons of it. But it was four seasons in the span of about a month--God, I need to find something better to do with my life--so maybe it doesn't count as much? Oh, well.

But "Lost" is basically made of heartbreak. It seems to me that, if you are a character on the show, the surest way to die is to tell another person that you love them. This has happened, like, a BILLION times on the show. So it's kind of impressive that the scene that broke my heart the most didn't feature anyone drowning, or getting shot or blown up or knifed or crushed or eaten by a monster made of smoke. It was just a man and a woman making contact for the first time in over three years, connecting, confessing their love, happiness, touchstones, SIGH.

Yeah, yeah, I'm such a softie. Fucking deal with it, because now we're moving on to...

4.) DOCTOR WHO "Doomsday": Rose and the Doctor say goodbye

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvkjthzlyV8v

Aaand here's where the nerdiness makes its first appearance.

Okay, so the deal with this is that Rose is going to get locked in another dimension...FOREVER. Away from the Doctor, her life of adventure, her sense of meaning, and the awesomeness that is the TARDIS. And man, does that suck.

On a somewhat-related note, I like to measure heartbreak on the "Willa Scale," which is pretty much the amount my sister cries when watching the scene. 1 is nothing...like, a magazine article about Tiger Woods...but 10 would be, like, "Up" (and I'm not going to lie--I sobbed like a tiny, tiny baby at that movie).

This scene gets a solid 8 because the heartbreak occurs on multiple levels. Not only are Rose and the Doctor separated (and they're AWESOME together), but Rose is going back to work in a fucking SHOP. After spending months TOURING ALL OF TIME AND SPACE.

WHAT THE FUCK. RUSSELL T. DAVIES, YOU FUCKING SUCK.

3.) BONES "The Parts in the Sum of the Whole": "I'm the gambler"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh3Y3Thdr-4

There have been many moments in my long career of watching television (almost five years now! I'm ancient) when I've just sort of had to gape at what I was watching. The thing is, that was usually because the showrunners were unexpectedly killing someone! It's very, very rare that a show takes something in a daring direction that has nothing to do with the death of a beloved character (RIP, Charlie Pace, Ianto Jones, Zach Addy--I know he's not dead, but FUCK, man.)

"Bones" did. This last episode was absolutely mind-bending. To have Booth finally confess his feelings--and it's about time, man!--and for Brennan to reject him...oof. I mean, it's the way that it has to be--"Bones" is trying to do everything that it can to avoid the "Moonlighting" and "X-Files" curse (if the will-they-won't-they characters finally "will", the show is essentially kaput). I just didn't expect them to accomplish it so WELL. They put the question out in the open. The jig is up. There's no dancing around it anymore. It opened up a lot of doors in a, yes, heartbreaking way. I mean, just LOOK at that scene! He's crying. She's crying. I'm crying. It's just so...good!

4.) ROBIN HOOD "We Are Robin Hood": Maid Marian fucking dies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scKav5wXB0s

I mean, really, the title of this entry says it all. In this BBC (goddammit, BBC) adaption of the Robin Hood myth, they fucking KILL Maid Marian. Admittedly she dies in a fairly kickass way--sword through the stomach while protecting the King of England from the dastardly Sheriff of Nottingham and Guy of Gisborne (that's how they do in Sherwood Forest)--but STILL. Damn, son. They fucking KILLED Maid Marian.

This scene registered about a 9 on the Willa Scale--she watched it while I was out of the house one day. When I came back, she refused to come downstairs until I'd watched the episode so that we could be in shock together.

I mean, COME ON. He MARRIES her as she's lying there with her guts spilling out (looking totally gorgeous because, hey, it's still television). And then she removes a sword from her own stomach so that she can bleed out in peace.

BBC, YOU ROLL HARDCORE.

5.) TORCHWOOD "Exit Wounds": Tosh and Owen die

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1X6hvqIjLrE&feature=related

Oh, hey, is that more people sacrificing themselves for the good of the world and having heartbreaking death scenes? Yes. Yes it is. Only this time, Russell T. "Balls of Steel" Davies gives us TWO deaths for the price of one.

I love this scene. I love that Toshiko and Owen together even when they're apart, and how they acknowledge things that they never had a chance to do and how they're just so brave and SIGH. Excuse me, I think I've got a little something in my eye.

I know I've sort of railed against the BBC for killing people off with the subtlety and intent of a homicidal maniac in a shopping mall, especially with this show (Toshiko and Owen made up almost HALF the main cast. In the next season they would kill off Ianto, bringing the show down to two of its original five members), but in all seriousness, this is good shit, guys. A tip of the cap to you, my friends at the BBC. It can be hard to kill off characters in a way to make people care and to make them feel as though they're not being cheaply yanked around, and you did pretty well here.

Unfortunately, this scene did not score particularly highly on the Willa Scale, but that's only because she doesn't watch this gem of a show. It was off the charts on the Caitlin Scale, however. Tears forever.