Where we're going, we don't need roads!

I think about the future.

Like, a lot.

All the time, in fact.

The future, food, boys, homework, family, friends...that's what's on my mind. With slightly more emphasis on the food, especially these days. I've turned stress-eating into an Olympic-level sport. Why don't you try that, Vancouver!

But seriously, it's gotten to the point where I'm having difficulty sleeping at night because I'm tossing and turning and imagining and letting my mind wander--no, trot--no, sprint down the path of What Will Go Wrong. And it's just too easy, because the life I'd like to lead, the life I dream of leading, is not one that's going to be easy to achieve. There's just so much crap lying in my way, and I have some serious doubts about whether I'm strong enough or smart enough to clamber over it.

I want to be a writer. If you're reading this right now, you probably knew that already since I've got more than enough pretentiousness in me to scream it from the fucking rooftops. You're probably sick to death of me talking about My Stories and My Inspiration and My Dream. Tough shit and hahahahahahaha to you. This is my blog.

But weird, pathetic digressions aside, I want to be a TV writer. In all honesty, I can't imagine another road for my career to take (unless it's food service. I can imagine that. Or I could be stuck at Phonathon for the rest of my life. I have fucking nightmares about that). But I can't help but think--am I good enough?

I've never really let anyone outside my immediate family or friend group read anything I've written, and they're pretty much obligated to rave about it to me, whether it's total trash or not. So I don't have a clue as to how good I actually am. Am I the second literary coming of F. Scott Fitzgerald (fuck The Great Gatsby, by the way)? Am I so-so? Or am I flat-out awful? No idea. You tell me.

I think very frequently that I should just put aside this far-fetched dream of writing for television. The odds of me achieving it are so slim that it would probably be better for my sanity in the long run if I did. I should start working towards a nice solid career in law. Or medicine. Computer science or mechanical engineering or a bunch of other stuff that I neither understand nor am interested in. I could describe it as "not my scene," but that might be just...no.

The truth is, I just can't imagine myself doing anything else, for the same reason that I'm having a hell of a time trying to find a double major, or at least a minor here at Northwestern. The radio/tv/film major so completely sums up everything that I'm interested in that it leaves no room for any other interests. I am major-stranded. And I am life-stranded. On an island with a coconut tree and a typewriter and a bunch of ideas bouncing around inside my head and no way out but down further into the realms of imagination.

Pretentious crap. Excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall for an extended period of time.